Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse at the Fringe with The Fat Rascals

17 August 2017

So you’ve made it to the Fringe, a triumph in itself! You’ve managed to grab tickets to the sell-out shows, you’ve had a Mini Mary at the Brass Monkey, you’ve navigated the Royal Mile on a Saturday, conquered Arthurs seat with a hangover and have managed to keep down a Macaroni pie. Congrats. But will any of that matter if the zombie apocalypse strikes during your time here? You can bet your right leg it won’t. 

Luckily for you we’re going to give you some tips to leave you smug and prepared for the rest of the fest. So long as you don’t mistake the locals on a Saturday night for an approaching zombie hoard; that can get awkward. 

1. Check your social media. 

The Zombie apocalypse isn’t going to happen overnight, though with hundreds of thousands of people flooding this relatively small city for festival season, it won’t take long for it to spread. With many tourists taking selfies, street performer videos and shots of Edinburgh’s impressive landmarks, it won’t be long before evidence starts appearing. Keep checking #EdFringe #Zombies. 

2. Gather supplies. 

The human body can last 3 days without water and 3 weeks without food. Know your nearest food stores. With the city centre only having a smattering of mini markets we think most people will head for the trusty Lidl on Nicholson Street. You don’t want to become entangled in such scenes. Head for the venues! Equipped with water, food and technical equipment plus a multitude of random props which could come in handy. 

3. Assemble your zombie team. 

Make friends during your time here, but do so tactfully! Who is going to be useful when disaster strikes? 

We reckon the cast of ‘Thrones: The Musical’ might have picked up a few tips on White Walker battling (scary GOT ice zombies with swords). Superbolt theatre have mastered the dinosaur so why not the zombie? And there is no doubt that even the undead wouldn’t stand a chance against the fierce ladies of Hot Brown Honey. 

Go for obvious skills: Tape Face clearly has a vast collection of gaffer tape, which is always useful. 

Note: Avoid stand-up comedians, they’ll throw you as bait. 

 

4. Find a base. 

 

Edinburgh is packed with very high and sturdy buildings; rather than trying to flee through its windy, cobbley and hilly streets, we reckon your best chance of surviving is staying put. Dearest southerners, do not flee for the hills, you won’t stand a chance, even with your big ‘going to Scotland’ coat that you packed specially. 

Find a nice high flat with good views and exit routes. Alternatively, aim big! Turn George Square Gardens into a self-sufficient and heavily guarded haven in the centre of town. Or head for Edinburgh Castle! With its sturdy walls, armoury and, as we have all discovered, seemingly endless supply of massive fireworks, the castle is a must have zombie base. 

5. Be nice to the actors… but nicer to the tech team 

We all know that when shit hits the fan the performers are going to panic and the techies are going to imminently become the apocalypse lords. You’re going to want those knights in black on your side. 

6. Save those flyers 

Walking around Edinburgh can be a little overwhelming as you are repeatedly accosted with flyers. Start saying yes and collect yourself some fire fuel! You’ll appreciate the higher quality paper and stapled on sheets of stars when you’re warm and toasty. 

So there you have it! Our top tips. 

The apocalypse is likely to be manic, chaotic, terrifying, exhilarating and exhausting… Much like the Fringe itself. 

Stay alert, stay alive, don’t get bitten. 

The Fat Rascals x

Tom and Bunny Save the World joins Assembly Festival from 3 – 28 August at Assembly George Square Theatre - The Box @ 17:40. See more of Tom and Bunny Save the World here!